I can't stop missing you

So recently I have been wondering towards myself, questioning myself about our relationship. It’s been a month already, where everything started to change. I asked myself why all of this happen, why did you left me alone without telling me a reason why you are leaving. I felt like being drifted away into the ocean of loneliness, seeking for a light of truth. My heart is like a dying star waiting for it’s supernova phase.

 

If I have got a chance to know why you left me like this, I am willing to hear it from you even though it will be painful to be heard. I am waiting for you every single day, seeing every stories you made, perhaps when you were online on WhatsApp where I hope you will reply all my messages even though I said you don’t need to reply for it. To be honest, it is really hurt that you blue tick every messages I have sent to you.

I’ve pretending that I’m fine when you’re not around me anymore, but deep down it’s like I’m being tortured with my mind itself. Every sleepless night I’ve been missing you the whole time. I am missing you in every second, minutes and hours where its will never end. Praying that you will come back to me saying the same thing, feel the same thing that how much I miss you.

I just can’t stop loving you, and I miss you V...

The Unspoken Speech

Where I could hear the sorrow and sadness inside a single speech:

"Sometimes I feel that theres something that blocking my way to love you even more. That I feel insecure when you were not around me. I want to tell you that, how much important you are in my life after my family.  But its hard to show it because, I'm not a kind of romantic person that can describe it how to do it. Sometimes when I'm alone, I just need to be alone and have some space for me to do my work freely without anyone disturbing me ( not because I'm don't want to talk to somebody, but because it's one of my darkside that I want you to know). Well, to get is easy, but to keep it is hard for me. What I mean is that I'm bad in keeping my relationship, and I'm struggling at my peak point to hold on it. Furthermore, you ask me "why I'm act like ignoring you?", it's also one of my darkside that I'm trying to control it. If you think I'm a terrible person 'yes, I am a terrible person', and if you think I didn't love you anymore 'No, I'm still loving you'.  I've got a lot of assignments to do this week and need to be submit it ASAP. You will think I'm not loving you anymore and keep on questioning me this and that. But trust me, if you think that I'm not loving you anymore 'that is definitely wrong in any circumstances'. If I don't love you anymore, why do I keep on texting you the first place? And if you want us to be friend, it's your choice babe, I'm not gonna force you to love me. It's not my decision to make you love me.. if 'jodoh' kita kuat, if Allah memang dah takdirkan kita bersama. InshaAllah we will keep on being together if not today, tomorrow, if not tomorrow, maybe in the future. I'll be waiting for you to make your decision and I'll accept every decision that you make without hesitation. And this week is the most stressful week that you need to know. Eventhough I have time for my social apps, I still got works to do. So have you satisfied with my explanation?
And have a nice day."

The reality of bitterness, with a rose covered with tears. Because loving you is the best part of my life, ever dream of. And now you're gone. Because of the egoism and selfishness of my mortal self. You are the girl that I dreaming about.
I miss you, I really miss you.
Take care yourself, and be kind.
Until we meet again soon, until we meet again...

Motivation talk

As we grown-up, our feeling slowly decapitated by fears. We try to find a way to be someone that we dream off in the near future. And some reason, we stuck between life and love where we struggle to find the exit gateway. I've learn that people nowadays love to chase other people attention (attention seekers). They love to see something that they like to see, rather then something that is called a "failure".

Yes indeed, no one likes to have a failure in their life especially in their love story. Let me tell you what guys and girls, FAILURE is a MUST in order for you to achieve your goals. Remember Alexander Graham, how many times do he tried to make his experiment works? Almost a dozen times. But, he never give up right?. So neither of us, if we failed to do it once. Then try it again until you learn something.

But in love story, if you already tried your best and do everything you got to do. And you keep on failing, then you have to move on. This is what we called "Takde Jodoh" in malay words. Well, maybe someone that much better will replace them or maybe you're not in the right time to do it. Trust me, I've been through a lot about this lovey-dovey things. It's a little bit different from achieving your goals in life (cars, money, jobs) .

Anyways, try to get yourself enjoying your current life. Build up your careers and get back on track that lead towards your dream. You will never regret it once you achieve what you want. And for sure, don't forget to keep on praying to Creator, for your wealthy and healthy. Take care of your parents need. And help someone who really in needs.

That's all from me. Be yourself and enjoy your life while you still can.

A Reality of Dream

sometimes I wonder,
why I keep waiting for a person that ain't coming back for you. I watch from distance, how happy you are when you with him and not me. And its will never be me. Every morning I woke up from bed, wishing that life will get better without you. But, I really do not want this to happen at all.

The truth ain't sweet like sugar,
The bitterness of life keep striking my day. Every dream that I had seems like mocking me, it is a nightmare that haunted me into a restless sleep. I try to ignore the voices of your wishes back when we were together. You always win in every argument.

The distance far beyond the ocean,
You were there. Far across the ocean, watching the Sun settle down and the sky turn into a beautiful arts created by The Almighty. I still remember how much you love to see the sky and enjoy the nature. Everything of you is a blessed that I admire the most. And I'm going to miss that a lots.

I believe that this was a lesson,
A lesson that reminds me to let go all the negative thought that I concealed inside my mind for many years. I'm glad that HE brought us together for a certain time. I hope that you will find a better men who love you more then I love you, spend more time than I have, missing you more then I should be and take care of you with full of his heart.

”Because meeting you is the best thing that happens to my life, forgive me if I have done something that breaks your feeling. I didn't mean it on purpose. Stay healthy, and live boldly my girl. If, the destiny were mean for us. Keep on Du'a, cause that the only things that connects us."

All love,
Dream...

Here I am...

Here I am again,
Waiting for the same girl over and over again. The moon and stars keep on holding all of our thoughts. I can't tell you where will these journey will lead us.

Here I am scared,
Afraid to lose you from my sight. Afraid that everything is going to be disappeared. I keep those memories hold in tight inside my broken heart, just not to let go.

Here I am suffered,
The pain of this waiting, has making me insane. Day by day my awareness to the surrounding fade away. My mind drowning at thought of infinite time.

Here I am hoping,
As the time keep moving in, the space becomes smaller and smaller. A friend of mine gone one by one away from me. The Memories of you live inside my mind. Asking for me to stop.

"Here I am lost inside of your infinite thoughts"

The Future of Us

Everything about you is my favourite,
I don’t know how much time I need to sacrifice for me to reach you out. I spent my days waiting for you to talk with me in social media. Even though sometimes you just give me an emoji for it. I don’t mind at all, as long as I know you were there doing fine as usual. I never give up on you. Cause, you’re my dream that I ask from Him.

If you asked me to wait,
I will wait for you even its take decade for me, cause I’m willing to do it. I don’t know why you make me inspire to do something that I don’t do before. Like I’m started to writing because of you, where you not telling me to do so. Sometimes, the memories just keep on playing inside my mind, thus we only meet once.

I wish that we can see each other again,
However the times just seem to be jealous maybe. For that, I hope that you take a good care of yourself there and do well on your upcoming semester. I will be counting days on meeting you in the future. We still got a lot of work to do, cause we still got many semesters to come. So let us enjoy this time of being a student and cherish everything.

I still have to learn a lot,
About being a matured person. Especially when it’s about love right?. So, let us grow up and learn about how to accept each other and know each other better. Well, it just the matter of time that hold everything in a right places. If The Almighty already wrote you as my destiny, I pray for best and I will be ready for all circumstances. Because, my Mama told me “Carilah jodoh yang boleh jaga kamu dengan sebaik mungkin”. And from that moment I know, I already found one. And it is You I’ve been looking for.

Because girl, your name is beautiful as you are and I want that name to be on my “Lahfaz Nikah“ in the future.

The Dream of Mine

Tell me what it is all about,
The dream of eternity has gone through my mind and awaken me from the oblivion dimension. My time and space has driven me to your beautiful mind that consists of millions thought. The memories of ourselves, slowly devoured by the egoism. And the feeling of our love story surely become a history that never faded.

Everyday I wish this wasn’t true,
My body seems rejecting the reality about the story of our love. The heart keep pushing itself throughout the barriers of getting you back. My mind almost losing its consciousness because of the fact that we are not likely, we used to be. The shadow of mine is now faded out, because of the misery that I have been through.

Have I gone mad?
I keep thinking about how its feel to be on the oblivion world without coming back into the reality. Where all the people you know will eventually didn’t even know your existence. All the memories of you inside them will surely be gone. You become a person, that surely never be missed.

My fantasy has become nightmare,
You is like a drug that killing me slowly. I fly high up in the sky wishing to fall down hard. It’s like drowning yourself inside an ocean of ice. Living in a world full of sweetness that making you sick and slowly die. Laying down on the clouds watching the moon and stars dancing on the sky where the Sun slowly begin to burn you down.

“The dream of Mine”